Why do we obsess over what we cannot have?

 

I post on a few message boards, and have come across these questions quite a bit. I'm helping these people out, so, well, I wanted to help out any of my friends in Myspace-land that need the help.


Why do we get so obsessed with someone we can't have?

For those of us who have been in this place, obsessed with someone we can't have for whatever reason (most of the time being that the other person doesn't want you).....why does that happen? Why does it seem to move so hard to move on sometimes?


I think we see something that we want...something that seems to us to be a perfect fit and we fixate on it. It can be a lot of different things that cause us to do that...but we do fixate. Then, we create elaborate scenarios and fantasies in our heads about how good it could be...thus somehow tricking ourselves into thinking that there is already an emotional bond between the two people.

I've thought about this a lot. I have had this happen to me when I was younger...and it always seemed that the object of your desire is clueless. That's because you haven't communicated your desire for them, and they have no idea the elaborate myth you've created...if they had some inkling then maybe you'd already be together.

The fact is, without communicating it to them (scary as hell...and usually heartbreaking) there is no way they'll ever really be able to decide. They can't decide if they want to "love" you back if they don't know you "love" them.

So tell the object of your desire. Do it in a way that is clear...no "hey, if we were together" crapola. That just clouds the situation. Tell them that you have been thinking a lot about them, and you'd be interested in pursuing it romantically. If they aren't interested at that point, it's up to you to decide whether or not it's in your best interest to be friends or move on.

I have had great relationships with women. None of them ever have been with me having a crush on someone I "can't" have. That's because I never told them, or I did and they weren't interested. If they like you in "that way"...you'd already be there.

Best advice is, tell them about it. Give them time to respond...and if it's not what you want...move on.

 

 

BACK TO UNDERLANDTONGUE